Whine Session . . .

I'll call this whine session, "Why is There Complicated Crap in a Dumbed Down Country??":

I just got some important paperwork to fill out for retirement.  If I were to retire tomorrow  . . . well let's just say I can't retire tomorrow.   I just decide the amount to sock away and go on about my day . . . right?

Wrong!

In a country where the art of counting back  change has been replaced by computers,  and digital displays, why the hell do these banks and investment establishments insist on using  bizarre nonsensical dialogue, mini-me size fonts, volumes of illogical paperwork, and invasive, time-consuming requirements?  

NO ONE reads these collossal novels of gobbley-gook that comes with buying a house, investing in your retirement, or getting a credit card.  

Enron, the real estate crash, Madoff . . . I wonder if any of that mess could have been avoided if the paperwork involved was written more like a McDonalds menu instead of a collegiate dictionary?  

Just because you use 40 words to say what 5 words can,  doesn't make it more real.  Small print doesn't make a document more serious.

On the one hand, our country tells us it's OK to be horrid at math.  That's why everything has calculators and formulas built right in them.  

On the one hand, our country tells us spelling is so last century.  That's why words have been replaced by icons and predictive text.  (Icons?  Whatever.  Let's call it what it is.  It's a picture.  Coloring books have replaced spelling.)

On the one hand, reading has been replaced by reality t.v. and anything involving the word 'Beyonce', 'Kardashian' or 'Housewife'.   

 . . . And I am absolutely, positively, super duper, very, way OK with it! 

BUT  on the OTHER hand, the same country that encourage us to send TXT MSGS LIK THIS, has the nerve to make our mortgages, credit card, auto loans and investment documents look like ancient Chinese proverbs in braille! 

This is all I need:  

I want to put $(fill in the blank) in my account each month with an average overall percentage of interest earned per year being $(fill in the blank).  

I understand sh*t happens and I am not guaranteed I'll get that interest.  I could even lose money.

But it looks like this group of investments called, "Middle Of The Damn Road", has been OK for the past 10 or so years.  

If I die before I get my hands on it, give it to my nephew or my bro or my Mom or my Dad or split it among all of them.   

Otherwise, just make sure when I'm vested and retire, I get back what I put in or I will find you and kick all your sorry asses with my cane!

Signed,

Steven 

See.  Simple, plain, albeit a little crass, ENGLISH!

OK.   

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills is on!  OMG!

Done venting. ;-)